Blog 2: Religion, Relationship, and the God Who Sees You
Welcome to Wind in Her Hair. I’m Ana, and in this episode, I want to talk about something that completely shifted my life: spirituality.
If you don’t consider yourself spiritual or don’t have a relationship with God, I invite you to stay. I’m not here to convert you or tell you how to think — I just want to share another perspective, one that set me free.
The Costco Epiphany
It happened in the most unexpected place: a Costco parking lot.
I was blasting worship music, crying, and yelling at God:
“I’m doing all the right things — praying, journaling, reading the Bible, volunteering — so where are You?”
And then I felt Him whisper:
“Don’t spend time with Me to get something. Spend time with Me because you want to be with Me.”
That realization broke me. I had been treating God like a vending machine — checking boxes to get blessings. But real relationship doesn’t work like that. We don’t spend time with people we love out of duty, we do it out of love. That’s what He wanted from me.
Religion vs. Relationship
People often ask if I’m religious. My answer? No.
Religion =* rules, ritual, shame, fear of failure.
Relationship =* intimacy, presence, grace, honesty, and love.
Yes, I still read my Bible and go to church. But now I do it because I want to, not because I’m afraid of punishment.
The truth? God speaks to me most often through music. Many of my songs are just His lessons to me — birthed from pain, healing, and breakthrough.
The Pain of Church Shame
When I was 25, I got pregnant. Instead of support, my church made me stand on stage and repent publicly.
That moment planted a deep lie in me: “You’re cheap. You don’t deserve good things.”
That lie followed me for decades. It led me into a toxic marriage, caused me to settle, and kept me living small.
But here’s what I need you to know: the church shamed me, but God never did.
The Winery Breakthrough
Twenty years later, while sharing my story with friends at a winery, one of them said something that stopped me in my tracks:
“You’re punishing yourself — and you think God is punishing you too.”
That truth cracked me wide open. I realized I had been punishing myself all along. God was never disappointed in me. That realization was the start of real healing.
Redefining Spirituality
For me, spirituality isn’t about proving myself or performing. It’s about connection with my Creator.
It’s not just faith and prayer. It’s action too — forgiving others, forgiving yourself, letting go of what doesn’t serve you, and getting honest.
And if you’ve been hurt by a church, hear me clearly: God is not the church that hurt you. He’s the rescuer from it.
Closing Thoughts
Here’s the truth I want you to carry: you’re seen, you’re heard, and you’re valued.
You don’t have to fix yourself before coming to God. He wants you as you are — messy, unworthy, doubtful, and real.
So this week, slow down. Journal. Read a Proverb a day. Sit in silence. Be honest with Him. Stop trying to earn what’s already been given to you.
And of course, don’t forget to get some wind in your hair. 🌊
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