Blog 14: Healing, Attachment, and Emotional Maturity with Dr. Chris
When it comes to love, most of us keep repeating the same pattern — not because we’re broken, but because our nervous system is still chasing what feels familiar.
In this week’s Wind in Her Hair episode, Ana sits down with Dr. Chris, a former doctor turned relationship and attachment coach, to unpack why we stay stuck in toxic cycles, how to build secure attachment, and what real emotional safety actually feels like.
The Pattern That Keeps Us Stuck
Dr. Chris says the number-one pattern that destroys relationships is simply repeating the pattern.
People keep showing up the same way, over-giving, over-proving, hoping that if they just do more, the other person will finally “get it.”
But love doesn’t grow from effort that comes from fear — it grows from acceptance, letting go, and self-trust.
Why Avoidant and Anxious Partners Are Drawn to Each Other
Forget “opposites attract.” Dr. Chris explains that we’re attracted to what feels familiar in our nervous system.
An anxious partner feels “alive” when there’s uncertainty.
An avoidant partner feels “safe” when there’s distance.
Both are just re-creating what love looked like in childhood — inconsistent, unpredictable, or conditional.
How to Become Securely Attached
Dr. Chris breaks it down into three core steps:
Know yourself. Define your values, boundaries, and triggers.
Learn to regulate your nervous system. Master self-regulation before expecting co-regulation.
Practice in real life. You only become secure in relationships — family, friendships, dating — by applying what you learn.
Secure people still get triggered; they just know how to come back to center faster.
Healing vs. Distracting
A powerful moment in the episode comes when Dr. Chris explains that distraction can look a lot like healing.
Working too much, over-training, staying “busy” — those are all dopamine hits that numb discomfort.
Real healing happens when you can sit in stillness without needing an external fix.
The Truth About Conflict
Conflict isn’t bad.
Handled right, it’s what deepens intimacy.
Dr. Chris redefines conflict as curiosity:
“Help me understand what you’re feeling. Help me understand what you need.”
Healthy disagreement builds closeness. Toxic conflict tears down respect.
Final Takeaway
Healing your attachment style starts with one thing: building a secure relationship with yourself.
Don’t date to fill a void. Don’t rush because you’re lonely.
Get comfortable being alone — and when connection comes, meet it from peace, not panic.
Listen to the full episode:
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Connect with Me
🎵 @ana__lea__ on TikTok
Connect with Dr. Chris: @evolvedbychris
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